And so as they say, after our honeymoon, the honeymoon was over. It was really over before it began but life started to settle in and it was not what I thought it was going to be. I was still madly in love with Jerry and had high hopes.
We started our life with my being a house wife and Jerry working at the cable company where we had met. I loved taking care of our little home.
Every night I would have dinner prepared for Jerry but he let me know right away that made him very mad. He told me that he did not want dinner to be made and ready when he got home . He did not want to have to eat at a certain time. So I stopped preparing dinner.
It would not have mattered if I had dinner ready or not, not long after we were married Jerry stopped coming home after work anyhow. He would either go golfing with his friend and end up at the bar until it closed or he would go drinking with his little brother.I spend many evenings alone. The only way I could see him if if I went to the bar to hang out with him.
We did see each other at lunch and once in a while we went to dinner with friends. This usually meant him drunk by the end of the night but at least we were together.
There were a few times that he would hang out at home like on Sunday but most of the time he would either sleep all day or drink in the afternoon. Sometimes he would start drinking before noon and I would tell him that it wasn't even noon yet. He would say to me "it's five o'clock somewhere." I learned to hate that comment.
There were a few times when we had planned to go fishing together or on a picnic. We would get things together and Jerry would tell me he was going to get cigarettes or something. Then he would not come home and I would find him at the bar later in the night. There were a few times that he actually did not come home at all and I found out that he was in Montrose, Colorado partying with his friends there. This was two hours away. This behavior happened a lot.
We did not have a sex life at all. It really upset me because I would dress all sexy and he would absolutely ignore me. He would not even act like he noticed. Or he would tease me, kiss me and make me think that it might end in a night of passion only to stop and tell me he was going to bed.
His drinking was the main focus of his life. He started drinking beer from the time he got off of work until he went to bed. I thought he would stop someday but wasn't sure when. I just thought maybe he would love me enough to quit.
He would also just stop talking to me for days at a time. He would respond when I would ask him questions but that would be all. He would sit on the sofa with his arms folded while I wondered what was wrong. I would sit next to him and try to cuddle but he would push me away. Later I would ask him why he treated me that way and he would tell me that he was mad at me but couldn't' remember why. This was so very hurtful to me but I still had hope for us.
That is about how our first year played out. Him drunk, me sad. I did drink with him sometimes but never really enjoyed myself.
The summer after our first year of marriage Jerry also lost his job at the cable company. He was late a lot because of his drinking and his boss finally had enough and fired him. I had called in for him several times saying that he was ill but his boss was friends with him and knew better.
I was the typical alcoholics wife though and at this point in time my Alden began. I would tell people that he drank when we were out and about but he really didn't drink that much when we were at home. He did but I didn't want to admit that he had a problem. I had become that woman I did not want to be. the wife who defended her husband and enabled his drinking.
No comments:
Post a Comment