More of the First Year-Drunken Friends

It was very hard losing my father-in-law. I had gotten very close to him since I took care of him during the day while Jerry's mom, Lois worked. I got to know him very well and was sad but yet glad he was no longer suffering. Sadly though Jerry's drinking did not improve,our life did not improve and how he treated me did not improve.

Since this was all so long ago it is hard for me to remember some things and how they were but I need to back up to before Paul died.

There was so much going on the first year of my marriage, Terry and I became very good friends and Jerry also found a golfing buddy who he spent a lot of time with that first summer of our marriage in 1984. This golfing buddy's name was Dave and Dave was trouble. Jerry would go golfing after work and not come home until 2 AM. There were times that he would go golfing after work and not come home for two or three days. I would have no idea where he was at. Most of the time he would be found in Montrose, Colorado drunk for the entire weekend. He would come home, apologize and I would forgive him.

Many times when Jerry and Dave would go golfing I would find him in the bar. Yes I was the stupid wife who hunted her husband down. I would be very upset and sad that he spent most of his time drunk.

One time I think during that first summer together we were planning a picnic. We got everything ready and was ready to load it in the car when Jerry said he needed to go get gas or something. Well I waited and waited but he never came home. He did not show up that night and was still not home in the morning. He did not return that day nor that night. I believe that time he was once again found drunk in Montrose. I forgave him yet again.

There were fun times though, there were times when I went golfing with Jerry and Dave. There were times when Dave came over and played cards. He even taught us to play cribbage which was a lot of fun. There were many times when Jerry would get trashed, pass out and Dave and I would play games. Dave would tell me then that Jerry was the one who never wanted me to come with them places. I was not sure what to believe, it did not matter, I just wanted a normal life. I was only 21 at the time. A young person hoping for a family life, a loving husband and I wanted to start a family.

During all of this yes I still wanted to start a family. I hoped if we had kids Jerry would stop drinking. But to get pregnant you have to be together and well, intimacy with Jerry was very limited. I was this tiny little thing with a great shape at the time. I would buy skimpy negligees hoping he would want me. It never worked, on the rare occasions he was home and sober he would tell me that he was tired and wanted to watch TV.  I kid you not, we were intimate maybe once every month maybe. Sometimes less. Those times were only when he was drunk too and the only reason I even let him touch me when he was drunk was to have kids.  Of course it did not work.

We did have fun times with Terry and his family but most of the time Jerry would get very drunk. Terry was not drinking as heavy as Jerry yet.

So up until our first anniversary on October 15 of 1984 Jerry and I might have made love 7 times. He spent most nights drunk and disappeared for two or three days around six times, maybe more.

Jerry also liked to go hunting and spent our first anniversary in the mountains. I spent it with my mom and his mom.

The disappearances, lack of affection and drinking was taking its toll on me so I really had planned to leave him before his dad died.

Next stop will be year two.....